Mommy Guilt

For the first time ever, I've been struck by the reality that is "mommy guilt".  I recently started a new job that is very training and travel intense...especially the first 6 months.  My schedule over the next few weeks: Gone, Gone, HOME, Gone, HOME, Gone all from Monday to Friday at a time.

Currently, I'm away from home, and this guilty feeling really struck when I talked with one of my customers.  She said, "Wow! How do you do that? I could never do that!".  I was really taken aback and just mumbled something along the lines of it's not a problem. But, boy, did her words strike a cord.  I literally wanted to cry.  I felt judged for working outside of the home, outside of my home state, outside of my comfort zone.  I really wanted to run away and cry, but that's not an option. The reason, I took this job is really for my family.  It was an opportunity that I couldn't pass up.  I will only have this career for my working years, but I know I will be a mom forever. As a mom, I just do it [my job]. There's no other option.  I need a job to provide for my family.  Would I love to stay at home. Absolutely. I''d love to.  However, it's not reality.

Going into this job, my husband and I both knew and accepted this challenge.  We have an excellent support team at home.  My mother-in-law serves as our daycare.  Without her, starting  this job would not be possible. I know that Owen is being cared for by someone who loves him and would do anything for him.  I know that Brad sees him at lunch time as well as in the evenings before bedtime.  Do I feel like I'm missing out...yes and no.  I miss my baby's snuggles and playing with him, but we do get to skype at night which makes being gone a bit more bearable.  Don't misunderstand me: I absolutely miss my family when I'm away.  However, when I'm working, I really don't think I'm missing out.  Instead my mind is focused on the job at hand--specifically broadening my knowledge base and learning as much as possible.

I know going forward I will still need to travel and be away from home for about two nights about every two weeks. Will it be hard to be away from my family...you betcha.  I don't want to miss that first tooth, first step, first word, etc. However, I really look forward to the future progress and opportunities that this new job has afforded me.