For the first time ever, I've been struck by the reality that is "mommy guilt". I recently started a new job that is very training and travel intense...especially the first 6 months. My schedule over the next few weeks: Gone, Gone, HOME, Gone, HOME, Gone all from Monday to Friday at a time.
Currently, I'm away from home, and this guilty feeling really struck when I talked with one of my
customers. She
said, "Wow! How do you do that? I could never do that!". I was really taken aback and just mumbled something along the lines of it's not a problem. But, boy, did her words strike a cord. I literally wanted to cry. I felt judged for working outside of the home, outside of my home state, outside of my comfort zone. I really wanted to run away and cry, but that's not an option. The reason, I took this job is really for my family. It was an opportunity that I couldn't pass up. I will only have this career for my working years, but I know I will be a mom forever. As a mom, I just do it [my job]. There's no other option. I need a job to provide for
my family. Would I love to stay at home. Absolutely. I''d love to. However, it's not reality.
Going into this job, my husband and I both knew and accepted this challenge. We have an excellent support team at home. My mother-in-law serves as our daycare. Without her, starting this job would not be possible. I know that Owen is being cared for by someone who loves him and would do anything for him. I know that Brad sees him at lunch time as well as in the evenings before bedtime. Do I feel like I'm missing out...yes and no. I miss my baby's snuggles and playing with him, but we do get to skype at night which makes being gone a bit more bearable. Don't misunderstand me: I absolutely miss my family when I'm away. However, when I'm working, I really don't think I'm missing out. Instead my mind is focused on the job at hand--specifically broadening my knowledge base and learning as much as possible.
I know going forward I will still need to travel and be away from home for about two nights about every two weeks. Will it be hard to be away from my family...you betcha. I don't want to miss that first tooth, first step, first word, etc. However, I really look forward to the future progress and opportunities that this new job has afforded me.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Day in the Life- Summer 2014
Friday, August 1, 2014
This is my first Day in the Life post. I know one day, I will treasure this quick peek into my life. In ten years, I will probably ask myself what was I thinking! I choose a very weird and atypical time to document. However, it perfectly reflects this particular time in my life. I've recently switched jobs which requires me to be on the road for various trainings over the next few months. It's a huge change that requires me to be away from my family, but in the long run, it will be best for me/my family.
Background of the week: This week I'm down in Indiana for job training. This is the longest I've been away from home since Owen was born. Fortunately, he is in great hands---hanging out with Grandma for the week. We are so fortunate to have her watch him for us. Had she not been our go to
"daycare" option, I never would have been able to switch jobs.
Okay...enough jibber-jabber...time for the details.
4:45 AM? EST I wake up to the scream of the fire alarm and the flashing light, warning me of a fire. I jump out of bed, grab my room key and my shoes, and head for the door. I check out the peep hole--no smoke, electricity still works as the lights are one, and people are starting to exit their rooms. Looks like it's safe to go. I follow the masses, and we congregate outside. We spend about 10-15 minutes outside. Fortunately, there is no fire, and the weather is quite comfortable to be out and about in your PJ's. However, I'm pissed at whoever pulled the alarm.
5:00 AM EST I'm back in my room. Time to sleep before I "wake" up for the day.
5:11 AM EST Still not asleep. Sounds like the fire department finally came.
5:24 AM EST Still awake; I decide I might as well pump. I'm still breastfeeding Owen. I am determined to continue breastfeeding until he reaches a year. Since I'm baby-free this week, the pump is my best-breast friend.
5:45 AM EST Finished pumping and cleaning things up. Back to dreamland for awhile.
7:45 AM EST Alarm is going off. Time to wake up; but I procrastinate and hit the snooze for 15 more minutes.
8:00 AM EST Finally awake. I spend the next few minutes thinking about what to do next. Should I Shower? Eat? Pump? I end up flipping through the channels. I am a huge dork, and settle for the news. I like to be aware of the current events.
8:13 AM EST I start to pump and write up this post.
8:40 AM EST Time to shower and get ready for the day.
9:05 AM EST I'm ready to go eat. I'm staying at a Hampton Inn. They really have good options for breakfast. This morning I enjoyed scarmbled eggs, sausage, French toast sticks, and oatmeal to get my day started.
9:17 AM EST Pack up all my stuff. Luckily, I'm a pretty light traveler--one small carry-on suitcase, plus my pump/computer bag (it's a beast), and a tote full of 100+ oz of milk. Not too bad for a 5 day, 4 night trip. I'm a bit stressed in juggling my carryon luggage as well as my liquid gold. I'm sure everything will be just fine, but I still worry in the back of my mind.
9:35 AM EST My car is packed and I'm ready to leave for the airport. I just need to stop and refuel before I arrive.
10:05 AM EST I drop off my rental vehicle and head for security. I am quite nervous as I've never traveled with breast milk before. I'm really hoping and praying that it doesn't get dumped. I would cry. This stuff really is liquid gold!
10:25 AM EST I made it! What a relief. However, upon entering the terminal, I see my flight back home is delayed by about 30 minutes. It's not a huge deal, but I just want to be home NOW to see my baby. It's time to sit down and rest for awhile. Now I need to figure out when and where to pump. Fortunately, it's not a super busy airport, and I've found a deserted gate area. I've got this area claimed as my own!
11:30 AM EST Figured it's time to start pumping. So, I pump and bum around on the computer while I work on this post a bit more.
11:55 AM EST I'm a bit disappointed. I barely get any milk from my left side. I really hope this doesn't turn into a clogged duct. I pack up my things and look for lunch. I settle for a salad--it was good, but not worth $9.
12:30 AM EST We start boarding the plane...luckily it's only 30 minutes behind schedule. At least it's a reasonable time. Apparently, the pilots weren't available. You would think Delta would have a crew lined up. Again, not too bad of a delay.
1:30 PM CST So glad to be back in Minnesota! I should be home within a couple of hours. I can't wait!
1:45 PM CST I find my car and sit down to pump for a while. I want to leave, but my boobs are telling me to pump. Again, I get barely anything out of my left boob. This is not good. Pretty sure there's a clog in there. Hopefully, Owen will be able to work it out when I get home.
2:00 PM CST I'm finally on the road leaving MSP. I should be home in an hour.
3:30 PM CST Well, my normal hour long commute from MSP to home didn't happen. Traffic and detours slowed me down, but I finally make it home. I stop at home and put away all my milk and leave my suitcase in the entry way. Within 5 minutes I'm on my way to go pick up my baby!
3:35 PM CST We are reunited! Owen had a busy week with Grandma and Grandpa. He did such a good job. He even went to the county fair with Grandma and watched the cow show. In a few more years, he will be in the show ring.
4:10 PM CST We are home. I don't know who is more excited about being home... Owen, me, or our dog Rylee. Owen is all giggles as he sees his fur-sister. I think they both missed each other. We get settled in and I get in as many snuggles with my little guy
before he needs to eat.
4:40 PM CST Time to nurse Owen. Unfortunately, my left boob is killing me. Not what I had hoped for. This makes for a crabby momma.
5:00 PM CST Owen fell asleep while nursing. Typically, I try to avoid this, but I'm enjoying this extra cuddle time. I really missed this over the past week!
5:30 PM CST I swear you could set a clock to this kid's napping schedule. He's awake and finishes nursing.
6:00 PM CST My husband calls and wants to know if I want to go to the county fair this evening. I really want to go, but I really want to stay home too. He says he will be home from the farm in about 45 minutes.
6:10 PM CST I decided that if I go to the county fair, I better make sure Owen is well fed. I put him in his highchair and start feeding him some oatmeal cereal as well as some mashed up bananas. He loves his food and kicks his feed in excitement when I get everything ready. I'm so thankful for a happy, hungry, and healthy little boy.
6:45 PM CST My husband is finally home! I haven't seen him since Sunday night as he leaves for work at the dairy farm by 4:45 each morning. We talk a little bit and he gets cleaned up to go to the Demolition Derby at the county fair. I decide to stay home. I need to work on getting this dang clog out. Besides, I need to maximize on all the cuddles I missed out on over the past week.
7:05 PM CST My hubby leaves for the fair. Let the snuggle time begin! Over the next few hours, my time is consumed with snuggling, nursing (trying to get that dang clog out), changing diapers, playing, and more snuggling.
9:15 PM CST Begin the bedtime routine--nurse on one side, change diaper, put PJ's on, put sleep sack on, and nurse on other side. This usually takes about 30 minutes. Owen finishes eating and is quite groggy. I snuggle him and rock him a bit more before I put him in his own room to sleep for the night.
10:00 PM CST I'm shot... time for bed. I brush my teeth and change into PJ's. I thought (for about 30 seconds) that I should stay up and wait for Brad to get home, but I'm too tired. I fall asleep within a few minutes.
11:30 PM CST Brad comes home. I usually wake up when ever I beat him to bed, but not tonight. It was quite an eventful day!
This is my first Day in the Life post. I know one day, I will treasure this quick peek into my life. In ten years, I will probably ask myself what was I thinking! I choose a very weird and atypical time to document. However, it perfectly reflects this particular time in my life. I've recently switched jobs which requires me to be on the road for various trainings over the next few months. It's a huge change that requires me to be away from my family, but in the long run, it will be best for me/my family.
Background of the week: This week I'm down in Indiana for job training. This is the longest I've been away from home since Owen was born. Fortunately, he is in great hands---hanging out with Grandma for the week. We are so fortunate to have her watch him for us. Had she not been our go to
"daycare" option, I never would have been able to switch jobs.
Okay...enough jibber-jabber...time for the details.
4:45 AM? EST I wake up to the scream of the fire alarm and the flashing light, warning me of a fire. I jump out of bed, grab my room key and my shoes, and head for the door. I check out the peep hole--no smoke, electricity still works as the lights are one, and people are starting to exit their rooms. Looks like it's safe to go. I follow the masses, and we congregate outside. We spend about 10-15 minutes outside. Fortunately, there is no fire, and the weather is quite comfortable to be out and about in your PJ's. However, I'm pissed at whoever pulled the alarm.
5:00 AM EST I'm back in my room. Time to sleep before I "wake" up for the day.
5:11 AM EST Still not asleep. Sounds like the fire department finally came.
5:24 AM EST Still awake; I decide I might as well pump. I'm still breastfeeding Owen. I am determined to continue breastfeeding until he reaches a year. Since I'm baby-free this week, the pump is my best-breast friend.
5:45 AM EST Finished pumping and cleaning things up. Back to dreamland for awhile.
7:45 AM EST Alarm is going off. Time to wake up; but I procrastinate and hit the snooze for 15 more minutes.
8:00 AM EST Finally awake. I spend the next few minutes thinking about what to do next. Should I Shower? Eat? Pump? I end up flipping through the channels. I am a huge dork, and settle for the news. I like to be aware of the current events.
8:13 AM EST I start to pump and write up this post.
8:40 AM EST Time to shower and get ready for the day.
9:05 AM EST I'm ready to go eat. I'm staying at a Hampton Inn. They really have good options for breakfast. This morning I enjoyed scarmbled eggs, sausage, French toast sticks, and oatmeal to get my day started.
9:17 AM EST Pack up all my stuff. Luckily, I'm a pretty light traveler--one small carry-on suitcase, plus my pump/computer bag (it's a beast), and a tote full of 100+ oz of milk. Not too bad for a 5 day, 4 night trip. I'm a bit stressed in juggling my carryon luggage as well as my liquid gold. I'm sure everything will be just fine, but I still worry in the back of my mind.
9:35 AM EST My car is packed and I'm ready to leave for the airport. I just need to stop and refuel before I arrive.
10:05 AM EST I drop off my rental vehicle and head for security. I am quite nervous as I've never traveled with breast milk before. I'm really hoping and praying that it doesn't get dumped. I would cry. This stuff really is liquid gold!
10:25 AM EST I made it! What a relief. However, upon entering the terminal, I see my flight back home is delayed by about 30 minutes. It's not a huge deal, but I just want to be home NOW to see my baby. It's time to sit down and rest for awhile. Now I need to figure out when and where to pump. Fortunately, it's not a super busy airport, and I've found a deserted gate area. I've got this area claimed as my own!
11:30 AM EST Figured it's time to start pumping. So, I pump and bum around on the computer while I work on this post a bit more.
12:30 AM EST We start boarding the plane...luckily it's only 30 minutes behind schedule. At least it's a reasonable time. Apparently, the pilots weren't available. You would think Delta would have a crew lined up. Again, not too bad of a delay.
1:30 PM CST So glad to be back in Minnesota! I should be home within a couple of hours. I can't wait!
1:45 PM CST I find my car and sit down to pump for a while. I want to leave, but my boobs are telling me to pump. Again, I get barely anything out of my left boob. This is not good. Pretty sure there's a clog in there. Hopefully, Owen will be able to work it out when I get home.
2:00 PM CST I'm finally on the road leaving MSP. I should be home in an hour.
3:30 PM CST Well, my normal hour long commute from MSP to home didn't happen. Traffic and detours slowed me down, but I finally make it home. I stop at home and put away all my milk and leave my suitcase in the entry way. Within 5 minutes I'm on my way to go pick up my baby!
3:35 PM CST We are reunited! Owen had a busy week with Grandma and Grandpa. He did such a good job. He even went to the county fair with Grandma and watched the cow show. In a few more years, he will be in the show ring.
5:00 PM CST Owen fell asleep while nursing. Typically, I try to avoid this, but I'm enjoying this extra cuddle time. I really missed this over the past week!
5:30 PM CST I swear you could set a clock to this kid's napping schedule. He's awake and finishes nursing.
6:00 PM CST My husband calls and wants to know if I want to go to the county fair this evening. I really want to go, but I really want to stay home too. He says he will be home from the farm in about 45 minutes.
6:10 PM CST I decided that if I go to the county fair, I better make sure Owen is well fed. I put him in his highchair and start feeding him some oatmeal cereal as well as some mashed up bananas. He loves his food and kicks his feed in excitement when I get everything ready. I'm so thankful for a happy, hungry, and healthy little boy.
6:45 PM CST My husband is finally home! I haven't seen him since Sunday night as he leaves for work at the dairy farm by 4:45 each morning. We talk a little bit and he gets cleaned up to go to the Demolition Derby at the county fair. I decide to stay home. I need to work on getting this dang clog out. Besides, I need to maximize on all the cuddles I missed out on over the past week.
7:05 PM CST My hubby leaves for the fair. Let the snuggle time begin! Over the next few hours, my time is consumed with snuggling, nursing (trying to get that dang clog out), changing diapers, playing, and more snuggling.
9:15 PM CST Begin the bedtime routine--nurse on one side, change diaper, put PJ's on, put sleep sack on, and nurse on other side. This usually takes about 30 minutes. Owen finishes eating and is quite groggy. I snuggle him and rock him a bit more before I put him in his own room to sleep for the night.
10:00 PM CST I'm shot... time for bed. I brush my teeth and change into PJ's. I thought (for about 30 seconds) that I should stay up and wait for Brad to get home, but I'm too tired. I fall asleep within a few minutes.
11:30 PM CST Brad comes home. I usually wake up when ever I beat him to bed, but not tonight. It was quite an eventful day!
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