Mommy Guilt

For the first time ever, I've been struck by the reality that is "mommy guilt".  I recently started a new job that is very training and travel intense...especially the first 6 months.  My schedule over the next few weeks: Gone, Gone, HOME, Gone, HOME, Gone all from Monday to Friday at a time.

Currently, I'm away from home, and this guilty feeling really struck when I talked with one of my customers.  She said, "Wow! How do you do that? I could never do that!".  I was really taken aback and just mumbled something along the lines of it's not a problem. But, boy, did her words strike a cord.  I literally wanted to cry.  I felt judged for working outside of the home, outside of my home state, outside of my comfort zone.  I really wanted to run away and cry, but that's not an option. The reason, I took this job is really for my family.  It was an opportunity that I couldn't pass up.  I will only have this career for my working years, but I know I will be a mom forever. As a mom, I just do it [my job]. There's no other option.  I need a job to provide for my family.  Would I love to stay at home. Absolutely. I''d love to.  However, it's not reality.

Going into this job, my husband and I both knew and accepted this challenge.  We have an excellent support team at home.  My mother-in-law serves as our daycare.  Without her, starting  this job would not be possible. I know that Owen is being cared for by someone who loves him and would do anything for him.  I know that Brad sees him at lunch time as well as in the evenings before bedtime.  Do I feel like I'm missing out...yes and no.  I miss my baby's snuggles and playing with him, but we do get to skype at night which makes being gone a bit more bearable.  Don't misunderstand me: I absolutely miss my family when I'm away.  However, when I'm working, I really don't think I'm missing out.  Instead my mind is focused on the job at hand--specifically broadening my knowledge base and learning as much as possible.

I know going forward I will still need to travel and be away from home for about two nights about every two weeks. Will it be hard to be away from my family...you betcha.  I don't want to miss that first tooth, first step, first word, etc. However, I really look forward to the future progress and opportunities that this new job has afforded me.

Day in the Life- Summer 2014

Friday, August 1, 2014

This is my first Day in the Life post.  I know one day, I will treasure this quick peek into my life.  In ten years, I will probably ask myself what was I thinking!  I choose a very weird and atypical time to document.  However, it perfectly reflects this particular time in my life.  I've recently switched jobs which requires me to be on the road for various trainings over the next few months.  It's a huge change that requires me to be away from my family, but in the long run, it will be best for me/my family.

Background of the week:  This week I'm down in Indiana for job training.  This is the longest I've been away from home since Owen was born.  Fortunately, he is in great hands---hanging out with Grandma for the week.  We are so fortunate to have her watch him for us.  Had she not been our go to
"daycare" option, I never would have been able to switch jobs.

Okay...enough jibber-jabber...time for the details.

4:45 AM? EST I wake up to the scream of the fire alarm and the flashing light, warning me of a fire.  I jump out of bed, grab my room key and my shoes, and head for the door.  I check out the peep hole--no smoke, electricity still works as the lights are one, and people are starting to exit their rooms.  Looks like it's safe to go.  I follow the masses, and we congregate outside. We spend about 10-15 minutes outside.  Fortunately, there is no fire, and the weather is quite comfortable to be out and about in your PJ's.  However, I'm pissed at whoever pulled the alarm.

5:00 AM EST I'm back in my room.  Time to sleep before I "wake" up for the day.

5:11 AM EST Still not asleep.  Sounds like the fire department finally came.

5:24 AM EST Still awake; I decide I might as well pump.  I'm still breastfeeding Owen.  I am determined to continue breastfeeding until he reaches a year.  Since I'm baby-free this week, the pump is my best-breast friend.

5:45 AM EST Finished pumping and cleaning things up.  Back to dreamland for awhile.

7:45 AM EST Alarm is going off.  Time to wake up; but I procrastinate and hit the snooze for 15 more minutes.

8:00 AM EST Finally awake. I spend the next few minutes thinking about what to do next.  Should I Shower? Eat? Pump? I end up flipping through the channels.  I am a huge dork, and settle for the news.  I like to be aware of the current events.

8:13 AM EST I start to pump and write up this post. 


8:40 AM EST Time to shower and get ready for the day.

9:05 AM EST I'm ready to go eat. I'm staying at a Hampton Inn.  They really have good options for breakfast.  This morning I enjoyed scarmbled eggs, sausage, French toast sticks, and oatmeal to get my day started.

9:17 AM EST Pack up all my stuff.  Luckily, I'm a pretty light traveler--one small carry-on suitcase, plus my pump/computer bag (it's a beast), and a tote full of 100+ oz of milk. Not too bad for a 5 day, 4 night trip.  I'm a bit stressed in juggling my carryon luggage as well as my liquid gold. I'm sure everything will be just fine, but I still worry in the back of my mind.

9:35 AM EST My car is packed and I'm ready to leave for the airport.  I just need to stop and refuel before I arrive.

10:05 AM EST I drop off my rental vehicle and head for security.  I am quite nervous as I've never traveled with breast milk before.  I'm really hoping and praying that it doesn't get dumped.  I would cry.  This stuff really is liquid gold!

10:25 AM EST  I made it! What a relief.  However, upon entering the terminal, I see my flight back home is delayed by about 30 minutes.  It's not a huge deal, but I just want to be home NOW to see my baby. It's time to sit down and rest for awhile.  Now I need to figure out when and where to pump.  Fortunately, it's not a super busy airport, and I've found a deserted gate area.  I've got this area claimed as my own!

11:30 AM EST Figured it's time to start pumping.  So, I pump and bum around on the computer while I work on this post a bit more.

11:55 AM EST I'm a bit disappointed.  I barely get any milk from my left side.  I really hope this doesn't turn into a clogged duct.  I pack up my things and look for lunch.  I settle for a salad--it was good, but not worth $9.

12:30 AM EST  We start boarding the plane...luckily it's only 30 minutes behind schedule.  At least it's a reasonable time. Apparently, the pilots weren't available.  You would think Delta would have a crew lined up.  Again, not too bad of a delay.

1:30 PM CST So glad to be back in Minnesota!  I should be home within a couple of hours.  I can't wait!

1:45 PM CST I find my car and sit down to pump for a while.  I want to leave, but my boobs are telling me to pump. Again, I get barely anything out of my left boob.  This is not good.  Pretty sure there's a clog in there.  Hopefully, Owen will be able to work it out when I get home.

2:00 PM CST I'm finally on the road leaving MSP.  I should be home in an hour.

3:30 PM CST Well, my normal hour long commute from MSP to home didn't happen.  Traffic and detours slowed me down, but I finally make it home.  I stop at home and put away all my milk and leave my suitcase in the entry way.  Within 5 minutes I'm on my way to go pick up my baby!

3:35 PM CST  We are reunited!  Owen had a busy week with Grandma and Grandpa.  He did such a good job.  He even went to the county fair with Grandma and watched the cow show.  In a few more years, he will be in the show ring.

 4:10 PM CST  We are home.  I don't know who is more excited about being home... Owen, me, or our dog Rylee.  Owen is all giggles as he sees his fur-sister.  I think they both missed each other. We get settled in and I get in as many snuggles with my little guy before he needs to eat. 

 4:40 PM CST Time to nurse Owen.  Unfortunately, my left boob is killing me.  Not what I had hoped for. This makes for a crabby momma.

5:00 PM CST Owen fell asleep while nursing.  Typically, I try to avoid this, but I'm enjoying this extra cuddle time.  I really missed this over the past week!

5:30 PM CST  I swear you could set a clock to this kid's napping schedule.  He's awake and finishes nursing.

6:00 PM CST My husband calls and wants to know if I want to go to the county fair this evening.  I really want to go, but I really want to stay home too.  He says he will be home from the farm in about 45 minutes.

6:10 PM CST  I decided that if I go to the county fair, I better make sure Owen is well fed.  I put him in his highchair and start feeding him some oatmeal cereal as well as some mashed up bananas.  He loves his food and kicks his feed in excitement when I get everything ready.  I'm so thankful for a happy, hungry, and healthy little boy.

6:45 PM CST My husband is finally home! I haven't seen him since Sunday night as he leaves for work at the dairy farm by 4:45 each morning.  We talk a little bit and he gets cleaned up to go to the Demolition Derby at the county fair.  I decide to stay home.  I need to work on getting this dang clog out.  Besides, I need to maximize on all the cuddles I missed out on over the past week.

7:05 PM CST My hubby leaves for the fair.  Let the snuggle time begin! Over the next few hours, my time is consumed with snuggling, nursing (trying to get that dang clog out), changing diapers, playing, and more snuggling.

9:15 PM CST  Begin the bedtime routine--nurse on one side, change diaper, put PJ's on, put sleep sack on, and nurse on other side. This usually takes about 30 minutes.  Owen finishes eating and is quite groggy.  I snuggle him and rock him a bit more before I put him in his own room to sleep for the night.

10:00 PM CST I'm shot... time for bed.  I brush my teeth and change into PJ's.  I thought (for about 30 seconds) that I should stay up and wait for Brad to get home, but I'm too tired.  I fall asleep within a few minutes.

11:30 PM CST Brad comes home.  I usually wake up when ever I beat him to bed, but not tonight.  It was quite an eventful day!

Thankful Thursdays #TFT

I constantly see my Facebook and Instagram accounts full of #TBT (Throwback Thursday for you non-abbreviation people). I really want to start a habit of writing down what I'm thankful for on a (hopefully) regular basis.  I figured, why not have a #TFT (Thankful Thursday) blog post?  Thus, I will do my best to reflect about what I'm thankful for on a weekly basis. 
 
This week, I'm thankful for technology--specifically living in a time and place that has access to high-speed internet. 

It's been a whirl-wind of a week, as I've been in Indiana for training with my new job.  It's the first time I've been more than 6 hours away from my baby, and this will be the longest time (4 nights) I've been away from my baby.  It's hard knowing that I'm physically far away from my little guy and can't turn the car around.  Instead, I have to wait for my flight to get back home.

Now, getting back to technology.  I used Skype tonight to talk to my husband and baby.  I feel so fortunate to be able to talk to him and watch him play.  Since he's only 6 months old, he doesn't have the whole talk-on-the-phone-thing figured out yet.  Skype was our perfect solution.  It's so wonderful to see and hear them. Most of the time, Owen just wanted to grab the phone out of my husband's hands, but it was so fun to interact with them even though we are miles and miles apart.

Jumping on the Cloth Diaper Train

Even before I became pregnant with Owen, I knew that I wanted to try out cloth diapering.  It seemed as if cloth diapers were growing in popularity and the options were endless (and a bit overwhelming).

When we found out we were expecting, I told my husband that we were going to cloth diaper. He was a bit hesitant when I first bought up the subject of diapers.  After my initial research, I told him that it was a simple concept...wash, wear, repeat.  "It's just a few extra loads of laundry each week," I chimed.  He was quite skeptical of the washing part.  He told me, "Gross, baby poop in the washing machine... that's just gross."  I was quick to remind him our washer is no stranger to poop, although it is of the bovine kind [you should see some of his farm clothes some day!].  

I don't cloth diaper to prevent rashes, for the cuteness factor, or, even (GASP) to save the environment.  The reason I choose cloth is simple: I'm cheap.  Brad and I have big dreams to one day own a farm.  Farming these days isn't cheap.  In fact, limited resources make it difficult to afford getting into the family operation. The first five weeks of Owen's life we used disposables and spent over $100 on diapers that eventually got thrown in the trash.  $100 for a little more than a month. Were the disposables convenient? Absolutely.  However, our budget didn't really appreciate the $100 per month that essentially ended up in the trash.

I'm quite proud to say I have spend less than $350 on cloth diapering supplies.  I have a mixed stash of used and new diapers.  I stalked craigslist daily for an excellent source of BumGenius 4.0's.  Bum Genius is a great one-size pocket diaper recommended to me by many of my friends and across the internet.  After months of waiting, I finally found a seller parting with 16.  The quality, quantity, and the price were all right in my book.  I added 10 more new BG 4.0's during the Black Friday sales. 

My latest addition to the diaper stash was a purchase of a dozen prefolds and three covers (Thirsties Duo and Bummis).  The BG 4.0's were just a bit too big in the legs for a couple of weeks (Owen is a skinny little guy). I wasn't sure if I would like prefolds, but at the time Owen just wasn't fitting correctly in the one-size diapers and buying more disposables didn't seem worth it. I've learned that I really do like prefolds.  They require a bit more time and knowledge to fold them correctly to ensure a good fit, but overall they rank right up there with my BG 4.0's.  I am even tempted to buy some more prefolds in larger sizes once Owen grows up a bit more.

I really enjoy cloth diapering.  The three extra loads of laundry each week are really no big deal to me.  I loath laundry, but for some reason, doing CD laundry is really kind of fun.  Maybe it's because of the colorful array of diapers that come out of the washing machine.  Maybe it's because there's no folding (my biggest downfall with regular laundry).  Overall, I'd like to recommend cloth diapering to anyone who is looking to save some money.

Donating Blood

Did you ever have the opportunity to help save three peoples' lives?   Well, I've had that opportunity several times. 

How? 

Simple.

By donating blood with the American Red Cross.

Ever since I was a junior in high school I have been donating blood at our local Red Cross community blood drives.  One of the incentives for donating blood as a high school student was getting out of the last class of the day as we walked the two blocks down the street to the Legion hall where the blood drive took place.  That's just part of the beauty of small-town USA. While I can't skip class anymore to donate blood, I do still take part in our local community's blood drive.

A few days ago, I got a call from the American Red Cross informing me of several blood drives in my area. Apparently, my blood type was in high demand.  Because I was pregnant for most of 2013, it's been over a year since I've donated.  I was extremely happy and excited to get that call from the Red Cross.

Giving blood is a very quick and simple process.  The actual donation process takes less than 10 minutes. Plus, after your donation, you get some cookies and snacks!  Who doesn't love free snacks!  I really enjoy knowing that I'm helping others.  After all, you never know when someone you love may need lifesaving blood! 

I know some people are scared about donating blood.  They are afraid of needles, the sight of blood, etc.  However, it's a pretty simple process that doesn't even hurt.  The worst part of the entire blood donation process is the small finger prick to determine your hemoglobin level. Honestly!  (that's the part I always look away from). 

Since I've been a blood donor for almost 10 years, here are my tried and true tips for donating blood:
1) Water...lots and lots of water
2) Don't go on an empty stomach
3) Wear comfy clothes--especially a tee-shirt that allows for quick and easy access to your arm
4) Water; don't underestimate hydration!

Check out http://www.redcrossblood.org/donating-blood to learn more about donating blood.

What a Difference a Year Makes!

Looking at my previous post dated 4-19-13, I realize that this "spring" isn't as bad as last years.  Yesterday, after months of bone chilling coldness, we experienced our first 70 degree day since October.  It was absolutely wonderful, especially after a winter that went down in the record books as one of the longest and coldest.  As the days grow longer and the sun stronger, I know that spring will be here shortly.  We just have to wait a bit more.  It's a very comforting thought especially comparing the days to last year.

Speaking of my last post, where did the past year go?  My last post was almost a year ago.  I completely neglected this blogging adventure.  Whoops. This would be known as blogger fail!  Anyways, I will do better about posting on a more frequent basis!  After all, I now have something, rather someone, to talk about.

So who is this someone...well, that someone is our son, Owen.  We found out we were expecting Mother's day weekend 2013.  How perfect is God's timing!  My pregnancy was relatively easy--it just got rough the last few weeks prior to his birth.  Owen was born at the end of January, and we are absolutely smitten with him. He has brought us such joy, sleepless nights (in the beginning), many laughs, and a heck of a lot of love. It's simply amazing how someone so little takes up such a big place in your heart.  I'm sure I will share more about him as time goes on.

Owen's Baptism--he didn't want anymore pictures at this point

As I write this post, he is currently 11 weeks old.  I can't believe that 11 weeks ago we welcomed him into our family.  I really can't comprehend where these past months have gone.  Seriously, little guy, stop growing so fast!
 

Love these big smiles

Yesterday, since the weather was simply beautiful (and the road grader came by a few days ago, meaning the gravel road is a little smoother than previously), Owen and I ventured out to make the trek from our house to the farm.  I don't know who enjoyed the walk more--- Owen or I.  He babbled and smiled the entire time. It was wonderful to get some fresh country air.  Even the cows sounded glad that spring has finally sprung!

Owen will be the 4th generation at our farm

 

Welcome to Beautiful, Sunny, Minne-SNOW-ta!

Clearly, I'm not a great blogger.  The last time I blogged was upon the creation of this blog.  That was LAST  November. 

Fast forward 5 months, and not much has changed.  There was snow then, snow later, and even more snow now since my inaugural blog.

Not the best day to be out on the road; stay in the tracks!

The photo is deceiving, but that snow pile is over 10 feet tall! 

I told my husband, "That pile of snow isn't going to be gone until May 15th".  He laughed when I told him that, but at the rate this winter spring is going, I just may be right.

Meet Rylee, our loveable pooch.  She LOVES the snow.

By the end of March, the snow was almost gone.  I didn't see any robins at the time, but saw some swans instead.  I figured that had to be a sign of spring.  Maybe, just maybe we will be in the fields mid-late April.

Why, yes, that is some mud I see!  Spring must be near!

Last year was a short winter and a beautiful spring.  Farmers around our area were chomping at the bit to get into the field at the beginning of April, and most farmers were finished with spring prep and planting by the end of April. 

This year, Mother Nature is laughing at the farmers in Minnesota and giving us all a real treat.  A winter that is starting to reach the 6 month mark. Yesterday, she decided to have one last (hopefully, last) hurrah with us.  I stepped outside this morning and measured 8.5" of heavy, wet snow.

At least our dog is enjoying this weather

Now, typically, an April snow storm does occur.  But usually, we get no more than 3" of snow, and the snow melts within a day or two. This year, well, it's not the case.  Today's high: 35.  Our first shot of 50+ is Wednesday, April 24th. So far this year, we have only seen 50 degrees or higher 3 or 4 times. 

On the bright side, at least the mosquito population will be at bay for a long time!

Here's to warmer and sunnier days.